I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
