You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
