Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
