I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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