I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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