wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
