SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
