The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
