apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
