Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
