I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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