i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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