dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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