So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
