when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
