my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
