I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
