Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I will die if light touches me.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
