Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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