There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
