You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
