Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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