i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
