we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to sanitize my soul.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
