I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
