Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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