if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
