i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i dont even know how to be here
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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