My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
