i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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