I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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