I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
