there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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