so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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