I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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