Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
