I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
