you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Houston, we have a blender
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
