Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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