i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
