did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
