I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
