blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
