I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Sext me about skeletons
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
