Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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