Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
