I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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