He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
