I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
