I'm going to jail i love you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
