At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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