By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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